Do you remember the first moment writing saved you? The moment it stopped your heart from breaking? The way the words you read saved you from running away? From killing yourself? From wanting to die? Words on paper. Words on the screen. Words. The way the words are formed together as a single stream. The most beautiful thing you had ever seen. The words lightly touched your heart, your forehead like a kiss. And you stopped. You stopped breathing for a silent second. You stopped trying to hold the tears back. You let the single tear fall over your eye lid and then millions fell. Just like that... You were in love. Not with a man. Not with a woman. Not with a God. You were in love with simple words. The simplest of words can save your soul... The fact that someone can completely relate to what you're feeling. The fact that someone else is thinking the exact same thoughts as you...
Is that why I started writing? Is that why I try so desperately to string together words when my fog isn't covering my entire brain? Is that why I am the human I am? Because of words. Because someone somewhere else can feel my heart beating through their words. Through their sentences. Through their thoughts.
Depression and anxiety are not for the faint at heart. It isn't for the weak. I have to be strong. I'm forced to face a new day every morning. Every evening. Every second. It is a choice. To remain strong. But in my weakness, words are what speak to me. Words are what keep me from drowning. Words strung together to form a sentence. They save me from myself. And so in turn, I hope I can save you too.

Butternut Squash is my new BFF!

Hello lovely!

Have you ever had butternut squash?! I only have ONE time before tonight and let me tell you what: my experience wasn't pleasant. So tonight I decided to try it on my own terms. And here is my finished product:

Here is the recipe if you want to try this delicious dish:

1 butternut squash

1 yellow squash

10-15 brussel sprout heads

1tsp salt

1/4 tsp oregano

1tbsp minced garlic

1-2tbsp olive oil

Preheat the oven to 400F or 200C. 

In a medium sized casserole dish drop in olive oil. After peeling and slicing the butternut squash and yellow squash (do fairly thin slices) place in dish. Wash and slice ends off sprouts and place them in dish. Add the salt, oregano, and minced garlic in. Mix/coat veggies in the oil and seasonings. Also add more or less seasonings to your flavor choices! When the oven is preheated, place dish in the oven for 40-45 minutes. The time will depend on how thin or thick you slice your veggies :) Serve by themselves, with rice, or quinoa (my favorite)!

I hope this recipe helps you find a new love for butternut squash like it did for me!

Let me know if you try this out, or have a variation of this dish, on the comments below.

xoxo

aubrie

I've Gone VegHead

Hello lovely!

As you can tell by the title of this post I have made a life changing decision within the past couple of months. Well, really it will only be 3 weeks on Sunday since I have changed BUT I have been considering going vegetarian since my 24th birthday in October.

There are quite a lot of reasons I have made this choice however I have decided to write just my top 5!

1. I am an avid dog (really all animals) lover, see my pup here!

2. I have been reading this incredible vegan help book for the past week, or so, and it has really opened my eyes to the harmful substances I have been eating.

3. I want a healthier lifestyle. I want to feel my body so much better and honestly I have within the 2 and a half week change.

4. I am seeking relief from my fibromyalgia.

5. I eventually want to become a vegan. Becoming vegetarian seemed like the smartest/ safest place to begin. I want to slowly dip my feet into the waters of veganism and their lifestyles!

Going along with this dietary change I have been trying to make it to my gym more often! I attend a circuit training class and a tightening and toning class. These 2 workouts definitely are a great reminder as to why I am making the choices I am making: to be healthier!

Have you ever made a lifestyle change that seemed so simple but was difficult? If so please comment below! I would love to hear about it.

xoxo

aubrie

I've been reading a lot lately. A bit of everything to be quite honest. All I want to do is gain more knowledge when it comes to literature. Except I find myself reading the same genres or the same basic themes to a book... I have read The Maze Runner series, The Fault in Our Stars, The Giver, currently on Gathering Blue, and I'm stuck in chapter 4 of An Abundance of Katherine's. However, I've been reading my Bible nightly because I need a whole lot of Jesus in my life right now and for always. Some nights it is really hard to pick up my Bible and just start reading because I don't really feel like I'm going to get anything out of the word. (Which is so stupid because the word is alive and so so powerful and that usually comes to kick me in the face with something powerful.) One thing I have learned about myself is that no matter how many times I read a verse or no matter how many times I read a whole chapter at night, I feel a little bit lighter after reading my Saviors words. It feels like some of the heavy bricks are lifted from my sagging shoulders. Like some of the stones that have managed their way into my shoes have been taken out. The world is so hard on me, it is so hard on everyone, that I am constantly feeling extremely weighed down. And this could plainly be from my fibromyalgia that day or a bad attitude from that day but even when i have been blessed with an easy pain day or an attitude of wonder and amazement, I still feel heavy when I go to sleep at night. Cast your burdens onto me, is what my Savior tells me. And sometimes I feel so so so so badly for casting all of my anxiety, stress, depression, burdens, wants, needs, despairs, onto Him... But then He pulls my weary head from my chest and reminds me that He loves me. That He is going no where. The He will never leave me behind without a word, without an explanation... That it is His honor to carry my pain and my struggles so I do not and will not have to carry them around. 

Have you ever just want to start over and burn every bridge you ever crossed, that way you can never look back? I do.. That's what I want. I want to cut every string. Burn every bridge. Forget the childish boys that have broken my heart. Learn how to be the truest and purest me I can. But that's just it. I thought and knew I was being the purest me when I was with him... And he walked away, without a word. Without a single goodbye or explanation. Since February I've been struggling to keep me, me and forget the parts of him that made me more Aubrie. It's the biggest struggle I have ever had to muddle through. But I'll make it through. I will always make it through the hardest parts in my life because I will never give up... However I can't help but feel like moving out of the place that can remind me of him most is a good option. But Ohio is my home. It always will be. I have good friends here. I have a gym here. I have warmth here. And to give that up just because I don't want to face some memories is stupid. So I'll sit here with an aching heart and figure out where to begin my life. How to make my own memories in Ohio and not think of him. Of course not everything reminds me of him but a heart wants what a heart wants... And right now, I want to be me. I crave to be me. Be the best form of Aubrie I can be. The funny, loud, honest, loyal, beautiful woman that I am. I'm tired of laying around and trying to figure out when things went wrong. That is a waste of my time and little energy I have anymore. I gave myself more than enough time to mourn the bullshit I went through and now it is time to stand up, dry the tears, and move on. And that, my loves, is the plan.

Unlike most I seem to embrace everything in life more fully. I get wrapped up in the emotions and unsaid meanings and untold words. I feel everything that anyone can possibly imagine. Where someone may only hear a simple song on a piano, my heart is being tugged in a thousand different directions and I'm holding back tears of joy or melancholy. Sometimes I feel like it isn't fair that I feel so many different things, to be honest it is draining, tiring. But other days I find it to be my friend and try and hold the hands of the good feelings that splash onto my face like a warm breeze on a hot summer day. My heart can only hold onto so much for so long... Today has been one of those days where I welcome the feelings that have been washing over me wave by wave since 5 this morning. And I will continue to welcome those waves long into the night. Because being swept out to sea isn't so bad when you're a simple girl like me.

Hello there!

Hmm.. A couple months have passed since I've last written a simple post. So much has changed in my life since this summer and I have been quite silent about it. God has changed, and is going to continue to change, my life, which is so exciting to me. The last time I wrote was September 17th. Exactly 12 days before my current boyfriend re-entered my life. (Yes, re-entered, as in I have dated him before. In 2006 to be exact.) And I know a lot of people, myself included, say an ex is an ex for a reason. But this ex really didn't have a reason to be an ex other than we were so young when we first dated.

I'm blessed to be the woman I am today. I feel like I am more myself than I have been since I moved to Alabama. I spent my summer/fall searching for who I am, who I want to be, and where I want to be. Ultimately I would love to be out in Colorado with my boyfriend, he's in the army, but I know that isn't where I'm supposed to be right now. I need to continue to pursue and build my life in Birmingham. The great thing is that my boyfriend pushes me to pursue my career and my dreams before his career and his life. It amazes me how wonderful and supportive he is of me. I'm not used to being thought of first. I'm used to placing other people ahead of me and pushing myself to the back. So this has been very interesting, and great, for me!

I'm currently in my very LAST semester of undergraduate college! WOOHOO! I am doing an internship at a small clinic that I adore. I really hope I can get a job at this clinic or at one of their other clinics.

Hopefully I will be writing more, loves.

Goodnight!